Invalidated wedding reflections? Part 1
In the last few days of break, I've been wrapping up some of the leftover odds and ends from our wedding. I've blogged about it before, and not terribly long ago, our wedding was featured on my favorite wedding blog.
It's interesting to me...that in all the note-writing,photo-album building,and smiling acceptance of congratulations,there are only certain reactions that are acceptable. When you talk about weddings,it's acceptable to lightly dance over the stress of planning,but to suggest that anything was difficult or unpleasant about your wedding? Well, that makes you a bridezilla, unless your wedding included some you-tube worthy disaster, in which case you're allowed to tell the story to a room full of people simultaneously laughing and cringing. To say "my wedding was really hard,and I don't think I'd do it again" isn't allowed. That's considered the height of selfishness. I find this even more intriguing after reading a recent column about how women's emotions are often dismissed out of hand.
For whatever it's worth,I'm going to attempt to talk about the ugly parts of our wedding, and the wedding planning process. Because, guess what? They hurt! And they hurt far less when they are acknowledged, considered, and learned from.
**********
We disappointed people.
Six weeks after we got engaged, we finally picked a date for our wedding, after choosing a location, adjusting for the impending due dates of a potential photographer and my closest friend (yep, two different people, two babies), and dodging a youth conference. What we didn't know: My cousin's wedding in Oklahoma City was scheduled for two weeks before ours in South Carolina. Her sister called me to express concern over this, particularly out of her fear that because of the closeness in dates, some family members would choose to come to our wedding instead. Then, my aunt sent a panicky email, informing me of my cousin's terror that our wedding was going to change her catering numbers. So I assured both aunt and cousin that my partner and I would be at my cousin's wedding, and told them that I didn't expect them to be there. I didn't hear from anyone on this side of the family for another two months....when my dad forwarded an email from his sister's husband telling him how hurt and worried his sister was because she hadn't received an invitation yet (This was the end of March. We were married in July....this was THE WEEK BEFORE we sent out invitations).
My sister showed up in early January for a weekend of "wedding planning help." Pretty much the first thing out of her mouth on arrival was "But it's not a diamond!" (I think my reaction was pretty much "yeah, so? Diamonds are evil.")She then proceeded to list all sorts of stuff she wanted us to buy or do, to which my response was basically "Nope. Can't afford it" or "Nope. We think that's dumb."
Then, the crowning indignity: she dragged me to David's Bridal. And started to CRY when some pushy bridal consultant stuck a veil over my ponytail while I was freaking out over being immobilized by a heavy train. Ultimately, I managed to convince pushy bridal consultant and my sister that I was NOT wearing a long dress,pushy bridal consultant asked if I needed my MOTHER to see a dress before I could purchase it(I managed a blunt "she's been dead for ten years"), and eventually left the store, with my sister whining over my inability to afford a $500 dress.
It's interesting to me...that in all the note-writing,photo-album building,and smiling acceptance of congratulations,there are only certain reactions that are acceptable. When you talk about weddings,it's acceptable to lightly dance over the stress of planning,but to suggest that anything was difficult or unpleasant about your wedding? Well, that makes you a bridezilla, unless your wedding included some you-tube worthy disaster, in which case you're allowed to tell the story to a room full of people simultaneously laughing and cringing. To say "my wedding was really hard,and I don't think I'd do it again" isn't allowed. That's considered the height of selfishness. I find this even more intriguing after reading a recent column about how women's emotions are often dismissed out of hand.
For whatever it's worth,I'm going to attempt to talk about the ugly parts of our wedding, and the wedding planning process. Because, guess what? They hurt! And they hurt far less when they are acknowledged, considered, and learned from.
**********
We disappointed people.
Six weeks after we got engaged, we finally picked a date for our wedding, after choosing a location, adjusting for the impending due dates of a potential photographer and my closest friend (yep, two different people, two babies), and dodging a youth conference. What we didn't know: My cousin's wedding in Oklahoma City was scheduled for two weeks before ours in South Carolina. Her sister called me to express concern over this, particularly out of her fear that because of the closeness in dates, some family members would choose to come to our wedding instead. Then, my aunt sent a panicky email, informing me of my cousin's terror that our wedding was going to change her catering numbers. So I assured both aunt and cousin that my partner and I would be at my cousin's wedding, and told them that I didn't expect them to be there. I didn't hear from anyone on this side of the family for another two months....when my dad forwarded an email from his sister's husband telling him how hurt and worried his sister was because she hadn't received an invitation yet (This was the end of March. We were married in July....this was THE WEEK BEFORE we sent out invitations).
My sister showed up in early January for a weekend of "wedding planning help." Pretty much the first thing out of her mouth on arrival was "But it's not a diamond!" (I think my reaction was pretty much "yeah, so? Diamonds are evil.")She then proceeded to list all sorts of stuff she wanted us to buy or do, to which my response was basically "Nope. Can't afford it" or "Nope. We think that's dumb."
Then, the crowning indignity: she dragged me to David's Bridal. And started to CRY when some pushy bridal consultant stuck a veil over my ponytail while I was freaking out over being immobilized by a heavy train. Ultimately, I managed to convince pushy bridal consultant and my sister that I was NOT wearing a long dress,pushy bridal consultant asked if I needed my MOTHER to see a dress before I could purchase it(I managed a blunt "she's been dead for ten years"), and eventually left the store, with my sister whining over my inability to afford a $500 dress.
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